Very specific online dating
We take the Meyers-Briggs personality test and various strengths-finder quizzes in order to determine whether we’ve picked the right job.We use Yelp to check every restaurant, pick movies via Rotten Tomatoes, use wine apps to purchase the perfect bottle.Quantification destroys intimacy through its rigid measurements of human beings: measurements that cannot encompass the inner intricacies and contradictions that make us unique.
It once consisted of first date proposals and fathers making deals with other fathers about whom their daughters will marry.
In a Friday column, David Brooks reviews the data presented by the book People who date online are not shallower or vainer than those who don’t. They have access to very little information that can help them judge if they will fall in love with this person.
They pay ridiculous amounts of attention to things like looks, which have little bearing on whether a relationship will work. When online daters actually meet, an entirely different mind-set has to kick in.
Because we are so anxious to control outcomes, we are unable to take any real risks.
But we forget, in the midst of our controlling, that it is absolutely impossible to eliminate all risk.
We forget that embracing our limits and vulnerability can actually bring us greater pleasure, greater adventure, and even greater closeness.