Age gaps and dating
“It’s not like I was just passively sitting there,” he says.
“We’re all men, and it’s perceived that we have this higher sex drive.
Even if your relationship is deemed wholly kosher in the eyes of the law, it can be hard to avoid the stereotype that dating someone older automatically means you have “daddy issues” — a view supported by some gay psychologists.
“Simply put, I think we’re angry at [our fathers] for running away from our expressions of love and physical contact,” writes the psychologist Stephen Lugar in .
It feels like it’s okay because you’re a horny teenager yourself.”Studies have shown that when you factor in cases where men are “made to penetrate” someone else, the rate of nonconsensual sexual contact between men and women are basically equal: 1.267 million men said they had been victims of sexual violence, compared with 1.270 million women.
The porn industry, meanwhile, has made the age differences of their stars a central taboo.
How do gay culture and society at large feel about the boys, teens and men who pine for older lovers?
And how do these boys, teens and men navigate the taboo nature of their own desires?
On sites like Family Dick and Mormon Boyz, the mythological father figure is often portrayed as a predator interested in rough sex with hairless twinks.
Dan Savage, the iconic gay sex columnist, has taken a practical view: Dating younger men is fine, he’s written, as long as the older partner leaves the younger partner in better shape than he found him.At the time of the affair, he said, “I would’ve told you that relationship was completely consensual.I would have said, ‘Yeah, I’m 14, but I’m really smart. And it’s normal that a 25-year-old would want me to be their boyfriend because I’m a grownup.’”Spacey abused his position of power over this man for sexual gratification — just as he did with the actor Anthony Rapp and what seems like countless others.But maybe I was seeking it out because it was so isolating being gay in high school and being around people who couldn’t relate to me.”Still, the label of victim doesn’t sit right with him.